Pushed, Fallen, Broken
by MsLanna
Summary: This explains how come that Leila Durmon became an assassin. More or less. And the rating is not for fun!


**Title:** Pushed, Fallen, Broken  
**Author:** MsLanna  
**Timeframe:** ca 30 years before PT  
**Genre:** drama, I guess  
**Characters:** Leila Durmon  
**Keywords** assassin, seedy side, child  
**Notes:** For the OC DatabaseSeptember challenge:

**Kids Are OC's Too...**

We all have to (physically) grow up sometime, and every adult OC was once a child OC. Show us a memorable event from an adult OC's childhood. What made it memorable, either for that same character or for someone else? Was it happy, sad or something else entirely? Did it shape their adult life in any way

**Disclaimer: **SW is not mine….

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Pushed, Fallen, Broken

_I am too young for this,_ the girl thought. She sat motionless, had been sitting like this for a long time. _Too young._ But it had felt right, nothing had ever felt so right before. She looked at the pillow cradled to her belly. It pressed hard against her stomach because she had pulled up her legs in front of it and hugged herself around the knees. It was a big pillow, soft and very white. Leila was tempted to lay her head on it but she was frozen. Her head was spinning, but her body seemed unable to move.

"It will be easy," her father had said. Of course, she had believed him. He had never lied to her, and he knew everything. Whenever there was lock, she couldn't pick, an ink she couldn't fake, a con she didn't understand, her father always knew. He had been a patient teacher, and a good one. Leila couldn't think of him now. It hurt. It was impossible that he should have let something like this happen.

She glanced at the man on the bed. His dark hair was messy, his arms lay limp at his sides. Leila was only glad his eyes were closed. She never wanted to see his eyes again. Never. The glint that had been in them, when he had led her away, the greed she had seen later, the unmistakable ecstasy, blazing through her clamped tear-filled eyes.

Hugging herself a little closer, she stared at the pillow again. How could her parents have allowed this? Had they known?

"But how will I get close enough?" she had asked her mother.

And her mother had tousled her hair and smiled. "Don't worry, Le dear. He will invite you to sleep over. You will have all night."

And Leila had not wondered. Of course not, they were her parents. They would never do something that harmed her, they protected her, they, they - _They sold me._ Leila went rigid. It was not a realization she cared for, that even daughters seemed to have a price label attached to them somewhere. Tentatively, she felt her forehead, but there was nothing.

"Nothing can happen to you, her father had explained. "You are still a child, they cannot charge you."

And Leila had smiled, happy to have something she could help her parents with. She had been helping with cons since she could remember. There were things a child could get away with, an innocent looking child, a well dressed child, a child that looked as if it belonged to rich parents. And that had been her. And she was good at it. When she had turned ten almost a year ago, her father had begun her education in bigger scams. And this should have been the biggest ever.

"It's worth 15,000 credits," her mother had said. "Do you know how long we can live from that? We can make a long trip and see the whole galaxy."

Leila wanted to see the whole galaxy. The school trip to Commenor had been exciting, even if it was just another planet. There had been a lot of growing stuff around, trees and grass, almost like a park that was built all around the cities. Still, she had heard of planets that were nothing but water, or jungle, or desert. She wanted to see them all. So she had gone. And when Senator Dalen had taken her hand, she had waved back at her parents and smiled, because she had known they would go on a big trip soon.

Dalen had been nice. He showed her around the huge apartment he lived in. The view was breathtaking and Leila was unwilling to leave the windows, but there was so much to see. On a big screen holotoons flickered along, though there was nobody to watch. Snacks and sweets of all kinds were scattered about the flat, and she could eat them all. There were dolls and action figures, games, puzzles, Leila had never seen so much toys in one place, except the big shops.

The senator had left her to play. He said he had some work to do, and she should just do as she please. He smiled and was gone. That was, when the doubts had started. How was she to hurt such a nice man? Why did her parents think she could? But left alone in this wonderland, she didn't linger on those thoughts long. She was a princess, and this belonged to her. A little guiltily she wondered if she could just stay, maybe her parents would understand.

When Dalen returned, there was dinner, but Leila had eaten so much already, she mostly watched the courses go by. Then she had to take a bath, which was strange. Dalen insisted on helping her, even though she told him that she was not a baby anymore. It felt decidedly awkward to have a stranger scrub your back, and it did not stop there.

"Scream if you have to," Dalen said, "but don't expect anything to happen."

Leila did not scream.

Her whole body hurt, hurt even now, throbbing with the memory she tried to squeeze out of herself huddling over the pillow. It had been easy afterwards. Dalen had not told her to leave, and so she had stayed, a cold feeling building up in her belly, growing bigger and colder, until it seemed to fill all of her. She had crept out of the bed, had tried to wash him off in the fresher, but memories did not go away with water. When she had returned, Dalen had been snoring.

She had stood there, rooted to the ground next to the bed for long minutes. Leila did not know why. She did not want to remember his face at all, did not want to look at him, did not want to know him. There was one thing, she wanted, though. Had her parents known?

"How can I?" she had asked. Leila was just a child, and Dalen was, after all, a man. A big man compared to her. Too big. Leila winced.

"When he is asleep," her mother had said, and explained in detail what to do. Leila remembered everything.

She climbed back into the bed, pulling Dalen on his back. The senator snorted in his sleep, groped around, found her and went back to sleeping. Leila exhaled. Then she took the pillow, and that was alright. It was an exhilarating feeling, pressing the pillow down on his face, feeling how his life slowly seeped out. When the snoring stop, when the chest stopped to heave, Leila had never felt so righteous before. This was right, her right. She could do it and she would.

And she had. Leila stared at her intertwined fingers. She had done it. 15,000 credits, and a bout of righteousness. 15, 000 and she would never even one of it. That was not so bad. It was worse that she could not go on that big trip now. _I cannot go back,_ Leila decided. If her parents allowed this to happen once, what might be coming next? Wriggling her toes and watching the movement, she wondered where to go. Off planet would be best, but she could not afford it. So she would have to hide somewhere. A place that was safe enough for her but also dangerous enough to keep others out. This might be difficult.

There were not many places in the lower levels of Coruscant where a girl could survive. _I need some clothes first_, she thought_. I cannot go anywhere like this, anyway_. But she had heard of gangs, girl gangs, too, roaming the guts of the city. She might find one of those, that would help until she was big enough to help herself. And then nobody would ever get close to her again. Reluctantly she let go of the pillow.

_He might__ also have some credits around,_ Leila thought as she stalked through the silent apartment. Amends for something that could not be mended.


End file.
